By

Viv

Slow Down and Listen


We arrived early for Mom's first visit to CORE for the new year.  My Mom told me that she didn't want to participate at CORE on this day. After we had already driven 30 minutes to get there through midday traffic on a highway that is under construction.   She just wanted to stay home and watch a movie. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to be specific. She said she wanted me to watch it with her.  I was a little deflated when she brought up that she just didn’t feel like doing anything that day. But I honored her wishes and we went back home. I figured she was just a little comfortable since the holidays. That was her pass. After we got to the house, I had to go back to work for the rest of the afternoon.  When I got home at the end of my workday, I asked if she had watched the movie and she told me no.  She was waiting for me to watch with her.

 



The month of January is very busy for me at work. I have had 2 or more events a week during this month. This means that I get home well after dinner time and only manage to have dinner with Mommy about 2 or 3 nights a week. I wake up and leave for work and she is asleep and many times I come home and she is asleep. So we have not spent a lot of time together this month. 

 



So for the last 2 weeks, every time we get into the car to go to CORE, she asks if we really have to go. And then I go from frustrated because I am going to a lot of effort to get her there twice a week to a pep talk to get her ready to go and be ready to give it her all when we get there.

 

 



On this last Friday, we didn't even make it out of the front door of the house and she said, “Do we have to go to CORE today?”  I got very frustrated and asked her, “Are we going to do this every time we get ready to go to CORE? This needs to stop!”

 

 

 



When we got in the car, she told me that she didn't mean that she did not want to go. She meant that since I was off from work, there were many things we could do together and places we could go that would be fun instead of going to CORE. 

Then I thought OH!!!  What she is saying is that she wants to spend some quality time with me. And that she has missed me since I have been away so much this month. I thought about what it must be like to only leave the house for medical reasons. How boring!  There are a million other places to go on the planet. She was right.

When she had all of her abilities, she used to decide that we were going to the movies and that we would see whatever was starting when we got there. And on this particular day she wanted to go to the movies after CORE and she told me we will see whatever is starting when we get there. We ended up seeing a good film. Not really one we had heard of before.  But we were pleasantly surprised by it.



On Saturday, we went to the movies on purpose and saw Hidden Figures. It was a great movie and we had a really good time together. Mommy was in the government at the time that the story took place. So of course after the film, I asked her a lot of questions about what her experience was during the 50's and 60's working in the US Government. 

After the movies, we went home and I had to go into work for about 3 hours. When I got home I went in and sat with Mommy for a little while. She said that she had a great day with me and that it was really fun. I am happy that I listened to more than her words and I heard her heart and was able to stop and take some time to spend with her.

I forgot that my work schedule affects more people than just me. The CNA's who have to spend more hours with my Mom. My Mom who goes days without seeing me. My friends who lose touch during my busier times at work.   I have to keep this in mind in the future and try to be more mindful of those around me.  Call home in the middle of the day just to say Hi and check on how things are going.  And make an effort to add some fun into those longer stretches after I have been unavailable.


Visit Our Website FamilyCareGiversNow.com
https://paydotcom.com/r/5528/vgeary/20761042/

Slow Down and Listen


We arrived early for Mom's first visit to CORE for the new year.  My Mom told me that she didn't want to participate at CORE on this day. After we had already driven 30 minutes to get there through midday traffic on a highway that is under construction.   She just wanted to stay home and watch a movie. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to be specific. She said she wanted me to watch it with her.  I was a little deflated when she brought up that she just didn’t feel like doing anything that day. But I honored her wishes and we went back home. I figured she was just a little comfortable since the holidays. That was her pass. After we got to the house, I had to go back to work for the rest of the afternoon.  When I got home at the end of my workday, I asked if she had watched the movie and she told me no.  She was waiting for me to watch with her.

 



The month of January is very busy for me at work. I have had 2 or more events a week during this month. This means that I get home well after dinner time and only manage to have dinner with Mommy about 2 or 3 nights a week. I wake up and leave for work and she is asleep and many times I come home and she is asleep. So we have not spent a lot of time together this month. 

 



So for the last 2 weeks, every time we get into the car to go to CORE, she asks if we really have to go. And then I go from frustrated because I am going to a lot of effort to get her there twice a week to a pep talk to get her ready to go and be ready to give it her all when we get there.

 

 



On this last Friday, we didn't even make it out of the front door of the house and she said, “Do we have to go to CORE today?”  I got very frustrated and asked her, “Are we going to do this every time we get ready to go to CORE? This needs to stop!”

 

 

 



When we got in the car, she told me that she didn't mean that she did not want to go. She meant that since I was off from work, there were many things we could do together and places we could go that would be fun instead of going to CORE. 

Then I thought OH!!!  What she is saying is that she wants to spend some quality time with me. And that she has missed me since I have been away so much this month. I thought about what it must be like to only leave the house for medical reasons. How boring!  There are a million other places to go on the planet. She was right.

When she had all of her abilities, she used to decide that we were going to the movies and that we would see whatever was starting when we got there. And on this particular day she wanted to go to the movies after CORE and she told me we will see whatever is starting when we get there. We ended up seeing a good film. Not really one we had heard of before.  But we were pleasantly surprised by it.



On Saturday, we went to the movies on purpose and saw Hidden Figures. It was a great movie and we had a really good time together. Mommy was in the government at the time that the story took place. So of course after the film, I asked her a lot of questions about what her experience was during the 50's and 60's working in the US Government. 

After the movies, we went home and I had to go into work for about 3 hours. When I got home I went in and sat with Mommy for a little while. She said that she had a great day with me and that it was really fun. I am happy that I listened to more than her words and I heard her heart and was able to stop and take some time to spend with her.

I forgot that my work schedule affects more people than just me. The CNA's who have to spend more hours with my Mom. My Mom who goes days without seeing me. My friends who lose touch during my busier times at work.   I have to keep this in mind in the future and try to be more mindful of those around me.  Call home in the middle of the day just to say Hi and check on how things are going.  And make an effort to add some fun into those longer stretches after I have been unavailable.


Visit Our Website FamilyCareGiversNow.com
https://paydotcom.com/r/5528/vgeary/20761042/

The Struggle is Real


I find myself at a point that I never imagined myself in.  Not good or bad.  Just unexpected and my reality:


1.       50 years old and unmarried


2.       Living with and caring for my Mother for almost 10 years


3.       2 cats


4.       20 pounds over the weight where I am most comfortable


5.       Very mad at specific men that makes me not trust any man to get close to me


6.       Unhappy and disappointed in myself


7.       Not coping well with the loss that if feel and trying to ignore it everyday


There was a time when, even though I tried to fight it off and not let it in, the voices of others and how they defined me spoke to me louder than my own voice.  As I ended a bad marriage of 3 years, it took me almost 2 years until I was built back up again.  Only to allow myself to be defined 5 more significant times by people who had their best interests at heart, not mine.  The last time this happened was just in the past year.


So, as I took down the 2016 calendar where my goal was to lose 10 pounds over the course of the year, I looked at January – my starting weight.  Then, I looked at December – my ending weight and I had changed by 9 pounds.  But not by losing them.  I gained 9 pounds over the course of the year.  That made 3 years in a row where I had gained.  And then I realized that I have fallen out of love with myself.  I tell myself affirmations daily and I don’t hate on my body anymore in words or thoughts.  But I don’t think I believe or trust my self-talk to myself.  Somewhere in me, I lost respect for myself as I worked harder and did more for others than I would do on my own behalf.  I let myself down and I broke my own heart.


I have been trying to find a way to apologize to me and to commit to myself and forgive myself for my own contributions and actions in my past. And I think I really need to go back to square one.  Spend time with myself and my thoughts.  Allowing myself time to heal and to once again appreciate me and all the wonderful things I bring to the world.  I am valuable.  I am important.  I am smart.  I do have worth.  And none of this is determined by others.  And if no one else in the world sees this in me that does not mean that I should be silenced and take these gifts away from the world.  I need to bring my full self with me everywhere I go.  And I need to confidently speak up for myself everywhere I go.  My heart and my consideration and compassion for others will keep me from becoming an egotistical jerk.  So, I’m not out to get a big head but I don’t want to downplay myself for anyone else’s comfort.


It’s time to put me back on my priority list.  And I need to honor myself inside and out.  Consistency will be the key.  I can’t just be good to myself once a week.  I need to be good to me everyday.  I do this through the foods I eat, the water I drink, the walks I take, the books I read, the music I listen to and the things and people I say NO to in order to get to my ultimate goals – not being derailed by others.  And I will tell myself that I am truly sorry and I will believe it this time because I am my authentic and true self.  I will save myself a lot of hassle in the future when I open my mouth to say how I feel instead of opening my mouth to eat my feelings and bury them.  Taking a walk to clear my head may prevent me from not being able to fall asleep because of so much on my mind.  Writing all of this stuff down actually helps me to breathe better, deeper and stress dissipates.  Listening to music instantly changes my mood when outdated tracks start playing in my head.  I have been spending more time each day with God and this has been going on for most of 2016.  I have been reading the Bible and praying each morning (sometimes praying with the wrong focus for the wrong things – but I have also received Divine correction).  I have been listening more and recognizing and acknowledging the Holy Spirit as it works in my life.  And this is leading me toward scriptures that feed me just what I need when I need it.  So I am working on appreciating me – mind, body, soul. And being grateful for all that I have, all that I am and all that I bring to the world.


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